Dobby meets his doom! Options

[Imogen]

This was Erin's suggestion, and I love it! Dobby's driving me nuts, and probably will for most of this fic. So the plan is - to ease a little frustration - to kill Dobby off in this thread with as many variations and mutilations as possible. Please feel free to join in.

Dobby was strolling down Diagon Alley with the key to Dumbledore's vault clutched tightly in his fingers. Dumbledore had entrusted him with this mission and it was important that he did as much as possible to worry all of Imogen's readers that Harry was about to die.
"Such an honour it is!" he squeaked to himself, delighted that he'd eventually made it into one of the stories.
He turned left, and was just wandering past Magical Musical Moments when a loud groaning noice caught his attention. A dark shadow loomed over him, swaying in the wind and the creaking intensified.
Slowly the little house elf looked up with huge eyes like surprised saucers. The walls of the building towered above him and finally his eyes alighted on a large, black, heavy Steinway piano suspended from a very rickety pulley.
The rope was fraying. Slowly. Slowly to the final strand.
Dobby gulped.
There was a rush of air.
Squelch!

[Drie]

I wish I could claim this as my own!:

“Harry Potter,” Draco stated, almost certainly existing at the end of the hallway of almost certain peril.

“Draaaaaco Malfoy,” Harry pronounced.

“Haaaaarry Potter,” Draco declared.

“Draco Draco Malfoy,” Harry affirmed.

“Harry Harry Potter,” Draco proclaimed.

“Pikachu!” said a small yellow rodent. Harry blinked and then stepped on it. Millions of ten-year-olds wept bitterly.

“I will say good day to you, sir,” said Harry to Draco in a thoroughly condescending manner. He huffily turned his back on him.

Now, Draco was not one to take thoroughly condescending manners lightly, and so he narrowed his eyes and pulled out his wand. And that is when the fecal matter hit the oscillating device for circulating air.

“Myhairisprettierthanyoursum!” Draco screamed, pointing his wand at Harry. Luckily, Harry’s Matrix moves had improved greatly since the last story, and he quickly went into bullet time to avoid the spell. The wayward spell promptly hit Dobby the house elf, who just so happened to be there, instead. Luckily, Dobby was a CGI character and easily replaced by the good special effects people at Warner Bros.

“You fool!” cried the highly suspicious Mad-Eye Moody, who had just burst onto the scene. “He may be easily replaced, but those CGI effects cost good money! And now, to illustrate that I’m not actually the son of a respected member of the Ministry who went bad many years ago and fell into the service of Lord Voldemort then was convicted of crimes against humanity and sent to prison only to be switched with my dying mother so that I could live in the care of my father’s house elf under the Imperius curse for the rest of my days but now have escaped the clutches of my father and have captured the real Mad-Eye Moody so that I may use his hair as an ingredient in Polyjuice Potion to impersonate him for a whole year just so that I can get Harry to touch the Triwizard Cup which I will turn into a Portkey which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense but who the hell am I to argue with plot device, I will take Harry’s side. Blueberrylicious!” he cried, pointing his wand at Malfoy.

Draco turned into a giant blueberry.


This comes from SilverPhoenix25's newest parody (book 4) The Omlette of Desire, which you can read here.