It's my turn (if there are turns) to start a new game.

Basically, list as many different two line jokes, starting off with "Did you hear the one about....".

To start people off (and to give an example of this game):



1. Did you hear the one about the broken pencil? It was a bit pointless.

2. Did you hear the one about the detergent? Actually it's a wash-out.

3. Did you hear about the clingfilm? I better not tell you, you'll see right through it.

4. Do you know the one about the wall? I warn you, you may not get over it.

5. Did you hear about the butter? I can't say - you might spread it around.


Yoda, slicing the cheese of bad jokes

Those were so bad I laughed.

*cringe*

Did you hear about the two peanuts? One was assaulted.

7. Did you hear the one about the puppet on special offer? Apparently, there were no strings attached.

I don't know why, but these jokes make me laugh.

Don't fight it, hockeygod. If you need to laugh, laugh!

Put up some more and I will.

8. Did you hear the one about the circle? It had a kind of ring to it.

9. Did you hear the one about my amnesia? I'll never forget it.

10. Did you hear the one about the guy who could never tell jokes? Hold on, that's not it. Umm... Did you hear the story about.... Not it either. Oh well.

11. Did you hear the one about the small stick of rock? It's short and sweet.

ROFLMAO!!! Thats all I'm going to say.

12. Did you hear the depressing one about the overweight hippy? Actually, it's a little too heavy, man.

13. Did you hear the one about the screw hole? It's a little boring.
(Some DIY nuts might get that one)

14. Did you hear the one about the massive book? It is a bit of a tall story, I'll grant you...

15. Did you hear the story about the alcoholic with tinitus? It sounded better in the pub.

16. Did you hear the one about the athiest? I didn't believe it at first.

Same thing, same place.

Maybe we (or should I say I) are now scraping the barrel, bleeding the blood vessel of two-liner jokes dry.

Don't give up. There are plenty more out there, all as funny as these ones.

Yes, but the last lot Yoda and I posted seem to have vanished into thin air.

Maybe if some moderator or owner of this site could look into that?

17. Did you hear the one about embarrassing accident? Shame........

18. Did you hear the one about the couple of rotten eggs? Too bad.

19. Did you hear the one about the other page? You'll find it overleaf.

20. Did you hear the one about the flying sheet of paper? It is a bit thin off the ground.

21. Did you hear about the philandering golfer? He plays a round a lot.

Thought of this old joke as I was trying (and failing) to create a new one this morning. (Don't ask.)

QUOTE

A man walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "Next time, duck."

Here's a thought:

If Microsoft want to create a truely paperless office, where will the annoying paperclip go?

All these two-liners are hilarious. Thanks for putting them her5e because they can make me smile no matter how I'm feeling.

More ideas:
To stop a cold getting to your chest on those cold days, tie a knot in your neck. That ought to do it.

Language for the not-modern teenager:
Definition of defeat: De tings you walk on.

Those are awesome QH!

Right. You asked for it. If you suffer from giggles and laughing too much, look away now.


What's the easiest way to make a banana split?
Simple. Cut it in half.

Definition:
Falsehood: I fake hat.

What has four eyes but cannot see?
The Mississippi.

Definition:
Crowbar: A place where birds drink.

What sits on ships going "croak, croak"?
A frog-horn.

Definition:
Junk: Things you keep for years and throw out just before you need them.

Did you know that judges relax by playing court games?

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I burned both my ears!
Doctor: How did you manage that?
Patient: I was ironing and the phone rang. I picked up the iron by mistake.
Doctor: But you said you burned both your ears.
Patient: Yes. As soon as I put the phone down it rang again.

What goes "Ha Ha Ha *Crash*"?
A man falling apart with laughter.

Did you hear the one about the future?
I'll tell it to you later.

Why are prayers never heard on Lord of the Rings?
Because the Elves kept ending them with "Arwen".

Definition:
Hypnotism: Rheumatism in the hip.

How does Luke Skywalker shave?
With a laser blade.

Why is grass so dangerous?
Because of all the blades.


Thank you, and good night!

Some of those are so corny that they are hilarious. Thank-you for the entertainment QH.

Anytime, HG, anytime.

*Drie looks around for her coffee mug*


Great pick-me-up! I needed that.

I really liked the ones with the elves.

QUOTE (Drie @ Jun 24 2004, 10:37 PM)

*Drie looks around for her coffee mug* Great pick-me-up! I needed that.

You'll need more than a coffe mug, Drie!

May I suggest you move to France, change your name to Adrienne Reinard, find the nearest restaurant and ask for a "bol de chocolat", drink the lovely liquid inside, then get to work by grabbing the empty cup and laughing into it wildly. Giggling or howling is also acceptable, but as long as you get the work in by Tuesday.

Those who've travelled to France and had such a drink will know they serve it usually in the biggest mugs you'll see, hence the name "bol de chocolat", directly translated to "bowl of chocolate".

QUOTE (QuickHare @ Jun 26 2004, 05:08 AM)

QUOTE May I suggest you move to France, change your name to Adrienne Reinard, find the nearest restaurant and ask for a "bol de chocolat", drink the lovely liquid inside, then get to work by grabbing the empty cup and laughing into it wildly. Giggling or howling is also acceptable, but as long as you get the work in by Tuesday.

Works for me! How 'bout if I refuse to come into work because I've completely gone off the deep end and am laughing uproariously at everyone and everything?

Humor the dangerous . . .

Next you'll be wanting sick pay, too! And I always thought that laughter was the best medicine. Now I find out it causes illnesses!

Though it would explain the three sparrows, five squirrels and a cat I found dead near that comedy club I passed by last night.

Did you hear about the man who threw his clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly

Did you hear the one about the male lamb? He felt a little sheepish at times.

Did you hear about the idiotic karate champion who joined the army?
The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who had no control over her pupils?

Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed?
He said he wanted to grow some birds.

Hope you enjoyed the stupid humor

I enjoyed it as the "stupid humour" is what this thread is all about!

Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side?
He's all-right now!


Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children?

Did you hear about the moron that got an AM radio?
It took him a month to realize he could play it at night.

Did you hear the one about the mackeral watching fishing programmes on TV? He got hooked.

Did you hear the one about the 15th century alcoholic? He took one drink and the rest was history.

Did you hear the one about the digital shark? It had a mega byte.

Did you hear about the love sick vampire?
He became a Neck-romancer!

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink!

Did you hear about the two guys who stole everything out of a house except the soap and towels.
They were dirty crooks!

Did you hear about the mattress tester who was fired?
He stayed awake on the job.



god, that last one was so bad

Actually, they were all good. The last one was different, but still good.


Did you hear the one about the shocked mime artist? He was left speechless.

Did you hear the one about the egotistical fat guy? He thought he was larger than life.

Did you hear the one about the Diamond Kid? he was a little gem.

Did you hear the one about the nose that grew 12 inches long? It became a foot

Did you hear about the french fries? They're made in grease

Those were good Jerry.

Did you hear the one about the inept chef who put sugar and lemon on a plate? He was trying to make sweet and sour.

Did you hear the one about the helium-filled yoyo? It didn't go down too well.

Did you hear about Harry's grim godfather?
He was serious.

Did you hear about the stupid tap dancer?
He fell in the sink.

Where do you guys keep getting these? I like the serious joke Jerry.

The serious one I actually made up . Glad you like it.

Some of the others I've heard a long time ago; the rest are my doing.

Did you hear about the vampire who was locked up in asylum?
He went bats.

Did you hear about the two monsters who crashed?
They fell off a cliff, boom, boom.

Did you hear about the moron who only ate noodles?
I didn't.

I tend to make my jokes up. They're always more fun when they're spontanious and apt for the situation.


Did you hear the one about the depressed lemming? That one did go down well.

Did you hear the one about the innocent internet user? I don't blame you.

Did you hear the one about delayed service pack for Windows XP? Actually, no. That one is true.

Did you hear about the striped plant?
He was spotted.

Did you hear about the man who owned a dog named yet?
He walked, yet ran.

Did you hear the one about the sunbathing joke book? It was black and white and red all over.

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no"?
"No."
"Oh, so it's you!"

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.