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Harry and Ginny > Make Yourself At Home > General discussion > The Writers' Well
Imogen
This arrived in my email this morning and made me laugh. Anyone else got any good ones?

QUOTE
For writers at a loss for a metaphor or simile, you should try out some of
these, actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those
boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature
Canadian beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on
at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them
in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p
m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan
just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something


The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee(D-Tex.)
in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry
Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment
of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper
fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall.


laugh.gif
nome
roflololololololol!

Those are hysterical! gotta love the mob informant, the ballet dancer, the... they're all loveable! I swear, there needs to be some sort of writing challenge at GT where you have to use some of those in it! :twisted:

~Nome
Yoda
laugh.gif

I can adapt the last one:

It hurts the way your hands hurts after you accidentally lean on the gas hob.

Forunately it wasn't me, and the hob wasn't hot enough to do any permanent damage. Good ol' dangerous uni cookers - we didn't even know it was on!
Shimmer*
Oh dear...rather sad isnt it? I was editing this girl's paper and it said "I was in a big state of fret"

Lol

Shimmer
MissBee
QUOTE
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

That one seems quite funny too me... Teehee... I can't believe people can actually write these though... If I ever write something as stupid as that... Can someone hit me over the head with something hard? I've started to pick up when people say 'gotten' I fix it when I see it in school work...
nome
I never understood the whole "gotten" thing. I don't think I've ever said it in my life.

I have gotten... gotten... hm. It just tastes wrong. I don't think I could force it into my conversation.
Julephenia
Oh, dear, sweet Merlin.

I'm guessing they were all American.

Why can't we teach our children how to write?

*launches into Henry Higgens' song from "My Fair Lady" only she changes the words and is horribly off key*

That's a bit scary.

I pity the teachers.

I pity the kids when they hit college...

Becky, hoping she only does those things in parodies
nome
Imogen, does stuff like this ever come up in GT fics? :shock:
Yoda
That can be arranged actually *cue evil grin*
Imogen
LOLOLOL - we do get some real clangers in GT fics, but they're not usually as bad as this - thankfully!

It's the last one that worries me. How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall? And why would you want to do that in the first place?

Imogen laugh.gif
Yoda
QUOTE
How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall? And why would you want to do that in the first place?  


Well that's a secret known only to a select few...although it helps if you swap 'select' for 'idiotic'. I've stapled fingers together, and have indeed put one through my tongue - but never have I stapled my tongue to a wall. As to why...? I think I was hungry and chewed on a stapler during an english lesson :?
Zamnaii
QUOTE
It's the last one that worries me. How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall?  
And why would you want to do that in the first place?


How - You make sure the wall is that of a card board box.

Why - You're trying to commit suicide, but you realise that something like that is highly unlikely to kill you!
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