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 Writing metaphors gone horribly wrong |
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| Imogen |
 Nov 13 2002, 01:21 PM
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On a mission with a pen
Group: Admin
Posts: 1,591
Joined: 5-November 02
From: England's Green and Pleasant Land
Member No.: 4
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This arrived in my email this morning and made me laugh. Anyone else got any good ones?
| QUOTE | For writers at a loss for a metaphor or simile, you should try out some of
these, actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who
went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes
with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of
those
boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature
Canadian beef.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal
quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on
at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them
in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p
m. at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River.
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan
just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
while.
"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee(D-Tex.)
in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry
Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment
of President William Jefferson Clinton.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.
She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a generation thermal paper
fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall.
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After her O.W.L.s Hope had managed to persuade her dad to give her a crash course in what he laughingly referred to as “Parseltongue for tourists”. Being in Slytherin, she’d thought it had been the epitome of cool to return to school with such useful snakey phrases as “Can you pass the apple pie, please?” and “Would you be good enough to tell me what time the train to Madrid departs from Platform Two?”
. ~ A Pensieve Affair ~ Now being posted...
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| MissBee |
Nov 16 2002, 01:38 AM
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Stealing socks
Group: Members
Posts: 25
Joined: 15-November 02
Member No.: 75
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| QUOTE | | Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. |
That one seems quite funny too me... Teehee... I can't believe people can actually write these though... If I ever write something as stupid as that... Can someone hit me over the head with something hard? I've started to pick up when people say 'gotten' I fix it when I see it in school work...
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| Imogen |
Nov 19 2002, 11:31 PM
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On a mission with a pen
Group: Admin
Posts: 1,591
Joined: 5-November 02
From: England's Green and Pleasant Land
Member No.: 4
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LOLOLOL - we do get some real clangers in GT fics, but they're not usually as bad as this - thankfully!
It's the last one that worries me. How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall? And why would you want to do that in the first place?
Imogen
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After her O.W.L.s Hope had managed to persuade her dad to give her a crash course in what he laughingly referred to as “Parseltongue for tourists”. Being in Slytherin, she’d thought it had been the epitome of cool to return to school with such useful snakey phrases as “Can you pass the apple pie, please?” and “Would you be good enough to tell me what time the train to Madrid departs from Platform Two?”
. ~ A Pensieve Affair ~ Now being posted...
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| Yoda |
Nov 19 2002, 11:55 PM
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I'm co-ordinating internationally!... help!
Group: H&G Members
Posts: 2,294
Joined: 11-November 02
From: no man's land
Member No.: 50
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| QUOTE | How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall? And why would you want to do that in the first place?
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Well that's a secret known only to a select few...although it helps if you swap 'select' for 'idiotic'. I've stapled fingers together, and have indeed put one through my tongue - but never have I stapled my tongue to a wall. As to why...? I think I was hungry and chewed on a stapler during an english lesson :?
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| Zamnaii |
Nov 20 2002, 09:25 AM
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Through the mirror
Group: Members
Posts: 7
Joined: 6-November 02
Member No.: 23
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| QUOTE | It's the last one that worries me. How exactly do you find out how painful it is to staple your tongue to the wall?
And why would you want to do that in the first place? |
How - You make sure the wall is that of a card board box.
Why - You're trying to commit suicide, but you realise that something like that is highly unlikely to kill you!
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