Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

IPB

4 Pages V « < 2 3 4  
Reply to this topic    Start new topic
> Did you hear..., Two liner jokes for fun, fun, fun!
QuickHare
post Aug 20 2004, 09:01 PM
Post #46


It's a Small World After All
Group Icon

Group: Admin
Posts: 4,218
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Exeter, UK
Member No.: 2,603



I tend to make my jokes up. They're always more fun when they're spontanious and apt for the situation.


Did you hear the one about the depressed lemming? That one did go down well.

Did you hear the one about the innocent internet user? I don't blame you.

Did you hear the one about delayed service pack for Windows XP? Actually, no. That one is true.


________________________________________

QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Jerry
post Aug 22 2004, 02:17 AM
Post #47


Aerials
*********

Group: Readers
Posts: 6,008
Joined: 18-July 04
From: New York
Member No.: 3,207



Did you hear about the striped plant?
He was spotted.

Did you hear about the man who owned a dog named yet?
He walked, yet ran.


________________________________________

~ M.C.

Proud Member of the I.S.D.


QUOTE
“Hey Harry!” said Cedric, strolling up to him. “Did you hear those screams? I almost died!... Is that David Bowie?”
“Never mind that, look!” the American exchange student exclaimed. “I found the Triwizard cup! It’s mine! All mine! I’ll finally get the fame and glory and honor I deserve!”
“Stupefy,” said Harry. The American exchange student dropped to the ground, stunned.
“Woah!” Cedric exclaimed in astonishment. “You can do magic?!”
“Come on, Cedric,” Harry sighed. “We’d better take this together. You know, so Draco Malfoy won’t think I’m selfish. I really want to get with him, you know.”

-- Silver Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Omelette of Desire


IPB Image Rabbits Have Rights!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
QuickHare
post Aug 22 2004, 02:39 PM
Post #48


It's a Small World After All
Group Icon

Group: Admin
Posts: 4,218
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Exeter, UK
Member No.: 2,603



Did you hear the one about the sunbathing joke book? It was black and white and red all over.


________________________________________

QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Jerry
post Aug 24 2004, 07:47 PM
Post #49


Aerials
*********

Group: Readers
Posts: 6,008
Joined: 18-July 04
From: New York
Member No.: 3,207



Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no"?
"No."
"Oh, so it's you!" tongue.gif

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.

rolleyes.gif


________________________________________

~ M.C.

Proud Member of the I.S.D.


QUOTE
“Hey Harry!” said Cedric, strolling up to him. “Did you hear those screams? I almost died!... Is that David Bowie?”
“Never mind that, look!” the American exchange student exclaimed. “I found the Triwizard cup! It’s mine! All mine! I’ll finally get the fame and glory and honor I deserve!”
“Stupefy,” said Harry. The American exchange student dropped to the ground, stunned.
“Woah!” Cedric exclaimed in astonishment. “You can do magic?!”
“Come on, Cedric,” Harry sighed. “We’d better take this together. You know, so Draco Malfoy won’t think I’m selfish. I really want to get with him, you know.”

-- Silver Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Omelette of Desire


IPB Image Rabbits Have Rights!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Drie
post Jan 7 2005, 12:32 AM
Post #50


It's a Small World After All
*********

Group: The Mod Squad
Posts: 6,469
Joined: 1-August 03
From: Pasadena, CA
Member No.: 1,656



One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.


________________________________________

Proud Member of the Red Trio

My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace


"I think happiness is finding a couple extra fries at the bottom of the bag." - Pig, Pearls Before Swine

Just once, I want to shout, "Bwahahhahahaha!" and really mean it.

"I couldn't decide if I wanted marble fudge, chocolate, rocky road, vanilla or butter pecan...I finally decided to try marble fudge...then I had to choose between a plain cone or a sugar cone...I decided on the sugar cone...so what happened? I went out the door, and dropped the whole thing on the sidewalk! Don't tell me my life isn't a Shakespearean tragedy!" ~ Sally, Charlie Brown's sister



Pictures of You

Bunnies! Everywhere!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
QuickHare
post Jan 7 2005, 04:25 PM
Post #51


It's a Small World After All
Group Icon

Group: Admin
Posts: 4,218
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Exeter, UK
Member No.: 2,603



Did you hear the one about the artful tune? The story's music to my ears.


________________________________________

QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Jerry
post May 20 2005, 07:17 PM
Post #52


Aerials
*********

Group: Readers
Posts: 6,008
Joined: 18-July 04
From: New York
Member No.: 3,207



Heard this one this week...

Did you hear the one about the hungry computer?

It ate all its chips, one byte at a time.

tongue.gif


________________________________________

~ M.C.

Proud Member of the I.S.D.


QUOTE
“Hey Harry!” said Cedric, strolling up to him. “Did you hear those screams? I almost died!... Is that David Bowie?”
“Never mind that, look!” the American exchange student exclaimed. “I found the Triwizard cup! It’s mine! All mine! I’ll finally get the fame and glory and honor I deserve!”
“Stupefy,” said Harry. The American exchange student dropped to the ground, stunned.
“Woah!” Cedric exclaimed in astonishment. “You can do magic?!”
“Come on, Cedric,” Harry sighed. “We’d better take this together. You know, so Draco Malfoy won’t think I’m selfish. I really want to get with him, you know.”

-- Silver Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Omelette of Desire


IPB Image Rabbits Have Rights!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Yoda
post Sep 30 2005, 12:13 PM
Post #53


I'm co-ordinating internationally!... help!
*********

Group: H&G Members
Posts: 2,294
Joined: 11-November 02
From: no man's land
Member No.: 50



What's brown and sticky...?



...sterb292.gif a stick tongue.gif


________________________________________

Elyoda on the NaNoWriMo website

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
QuickHare
post Oct 2 2005, 09:41 PM
Post #54


It's a Small World After All
Group Icon

Group: Admin
Posts: 4,218
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Exeter, UK
Member No.: 2,603



Did you hear that crashing noise that sounded like bins being knocked over by a weasil in such a way as to reverberate around the garden and street with an echo that is similar to a Slinky making it's way down a very noisy stair case during a meltdown, but quiet enough to avoid waking up the people asleep in their warm, cozy little beds behind the walls of their houses and their double-glazed windows, shut off from all noises such as this one going around outside?

Because I didn't.


________________________________________

QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Billywig2
post Oct 3 2005, 11:06 AM
Post #55


Psyco Sockologist
********

Group: Readers
Posts: 959
Joined: 9-February 03
From: Australia! Home Sweet Home!!
Member No.: 690



Ahhh, now this is definatly my area of expertise! I have an unlimited amount of these laugh.gif here a few to start off.

Did you here the one about the rubbish truck? Never mind, it's a load of rubbish.

Have you heard about the new pirate movie that's coming out? It's rated ARRRRRRR!

Did you hear the one about the power failure at the Shopping Centre which stranded 17 blondes on an escalator for over four hours?

Why did the boy fall off his bike? someone threw a fridge at him.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

My imaginary friends think that you have serious mental problems.

What has four legs, is green, and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you? A pool table.

What does D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

Dyslexics of the world, Untie! (I think that one's been in my sig)

I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out.

You should here the names that the voices in my head are calling you right now.


________________________________________

If I ever found a pot of gold,
I'd buy bottles untold of the nectar of the vines,
'cos I'm gonna die with a twinkle in my eye,
'coz I sung songs, spun stories, loved, laughed and drank wine.

Tomorrow is another day,
The cats are out to play, to play!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
QuickHare
post Oct 4 2005, 12:20 AM
Post #56


It's a Small World After All
Group Icon

Group: Admin
Posts: 4,218
Joined: 30-January 04
From: Exeter, UK
Member No.: 2,603



Those were good. I liked the blonde one the best.


Did you hear about the phoney bus driver? He took his passangers for a ride.

Did you hear about the Chatterbox North Pole Expedition? The talked about it until they were blue in the face.

Did you hear about the email fungus? After a few forwards, the story mushroomed.

Did you hear the one about the gobsmacked cricketer? He was bowled over.

What do you get if you fast-forward a cricket match? Entertainment.

Did you hear the one about an angry ice hockey player? He was pucked off.

Did you hear the one about the escaping bunny rab..........


________________________________________

QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Billywig2
post Oct 4 2005, 08:07 AM
Post #57


Psyco Sockologist
********

Group: Readers
Posts: 959
Joined: 9-February 03
From: Australia! Home Sweet Home!!
Member No.: 690



I'll have to remember those cricket ones, the season begins soon down here.

Take-outs from my school student planner: I swear, if a teacher got a hold of this, I bet I'd have to buy a new one.

Good things come in small packages... and then they get squashed because the package is too small.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

Everyone keeps saying that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

Few Women Admit to their age, fewer men act theirs.

Good friends help you move house, great friends help you move bodies.

Your village called, their idiot is missing.

That's very funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes.

I've figured out that the factor that has the most to do with the outcome of a rain dance, is timing.

The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.

Earths full, go home.

You look like beep, is that the fashion now?

Out of my mind, be back in five minutes.

If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy her friends?

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they stick it to the pan?

I used to be indesicive(sp?) but now I'm not so sure.

Do you ever stop to think, and then forget to strart again?

57.3% of facts are made up on the spot.

I tried being normal once, I didn't like it.

Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experiances. The trick in life is to fill the experiances before the luck runs out.

Eagles may fly, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engins... although that's more of an 'in' joke.

And my very personal favorite...

(drumroll, please)

Semper ubi sub ubi

Translation?

"Always wear under wear" XD


________________________________________

If I ever found a pot of gold,
I'd buy bottles untold of the nectar of the vines,
'cos I'm gonna die with a twinkle in my eye,
'coz I sung songs, spun stories, loved, laughed and drank wine.

Tomorrow is another day,
The cats are out to play, to play!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Cristin
post Mar 26 2006, 10:44 PM
Post #58


You talkin' to me?
*********

Group: H&G Members
Posts: 2,448
Joined: 14-October 04
From: California
Member No.: 3,626



What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.



________________________________________

I do not regret the things I have done, but those I did not do.

"I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas."
-Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy-


"There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle, or the mirror that reflects it."
-Edith Wharton-
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

4 Pages V « < 2 3 4
Reply to this topic    Start new topic
4 User(s) are reading this topic (4 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

- Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 8th December 2019 - 01:15 PM