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> Did you hear..., Two liner jokes for fun, fun, fun!
QuickHare
post May 20 2004, 01:47 PM
Post #16


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17. Did you hear the one about embarrassing accident? Shame........

18. Did you hear the one about the couple of rotten eggs? Too bad.


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"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

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QuickHare
post May 24 2004, 03:58 PM
Post #17


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19. Did you hear the one about the other page? You'll find it overleaf.

20. Did you hear the one about the flying sheet of paper? It is a bit thin off the ground.


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"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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Robert
post May 25 2004, 06:10 AM
Post #18


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21. Did you hear about the philandering golfer? He plays a round a lot.


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Advice to remember: If you can't apologize to someone when you're in the wrong, don't expect them to respect you afterwards.

YOU WASH MY BACK AND.....
an smutty outtake to Imogen's A Pensieve Affair
QUOTE
“Don’t move,” his voice whispered, “Trust me.”

Hope felt a shiver of anticipation run through her body at Matthew’s words.

“I do,” was her only reply as she surrendered control of the seduction to him.


REFLECTIONS : a post PA story
QUOTE
George looked around and said, “We heard noises through the ceiling so we thought we’d come up and see you.”

“Yes,” added Fred, “funny thing is, though, in addition to the loud thumps we could have sworn we heard two different sets of footsteps.”

“Damn,” Hope thought, “we forgot to charm the floor!”


INVICTUS, Book 5 of the Carpe Diem Universe
The untold story of Harry's Sixth Year
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Drie
post Jun 10 2004, 03:49 PM
Post #19


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Thought of this old joke as I was trying (and failing) to create a new one this morning. (Don't ask.)

QUOTE
A man walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "Next time, duck."
bag.gif


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"I think happiness is finding a couple extra fries at the bottom of the bag." - Pig, Pearls Before Swine

Just once, I want to shout, "Bwahahhahahaha!" and really mean it.

"I couldn't decide if I wanted marble fudge, chocolate, rocky road, vanilla or butter pecan...I finally decided to try marble fudge...then I had to choose between a plain cone or a sugar cone...I decided on the sugar cone...so what happened? I went out the door, and dropped the whole thing on the sidewalk! Don't tell me my life isn't a Shakespearean tragedy!" ~ Sally, Charlie Brown's sister



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QuickHare
post Jun 10 2004, 08:05 PM
Post #20


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Here's a thought:

If Microsoft want to create a truely paperless office, where will the annoying paperclip go?


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QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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hockeygod
post Jun 24 2004, 01:57 AM
Post #21


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All these two-liners are hilarious. Thanks for putting them her5e because they can make me smile no matter how I'm feeling.


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I'm a Math Geek and it makes me happy!!!

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."~Aristotle

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."~Henry Van Dyke

"Life is wasted on the living."~Douglas Adams

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together."~Georg C. Lichtenberg
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QuickHare
post Jun 24 2004, 12:00 PM
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More ideas:
To stop a cold getting to your chest on those cold days, tie a knot in your neck. That ought to do it.

Language for the not-modern teenager:
Definition of defeat: De tings you walk on.


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QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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hockeygod
post Jun 24 2004, 12:50 PM
Post #23


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Those are awesome QH!


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Proud Member of the I.S.D.!!!


IPB Image hockeygod

I'm a Math Geek and it makes me happy!!!

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."~Aristotle

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."~Henry Van Dyke

"Life is wasted on the living."~Douglas Adams

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together."~Georg C. Lichtenberg
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QuickHare
post Jun 24 2004, 01:06 PM
Post #24


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Right. You asked for it. If you suffer from giggles and laughing too much, look away now.


What's the easiest way to make a banana split?
Simple. Cut it in half.

Definition:
Falsehood: I fake hat.

What has four eyes but cannot see?
The Mississippi.

Definition:
Crowbar: A place where birds drink.

What sits on ships going "croak, croak"?
A frog-horn.

Definition:
Junk: Things you keep for years and throw out just before you need them.

Did you know that judges relax by playing court games?

Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I burned both my ears!
Doctor: How did you manage that?
Patient: I was ironing and the phone rang. I picked up the iron by mistake.
Doctor: But you said you burned both your ears.
Patient: Yes. As soon as I put the phone down it rang again.

What goes "Ha Ha Ha *Crash*"?
A man falling apart with laughter.

Did you hear the one about the future?
I'll tell it to you later.

Why are prayers never heard on Lord of the Rings?
Because the Elves kept ending them with "Arwen".

Definition:
Hypnotism: Rheumatism in the hip.

How does Luke Skywalker shave?
With a laser blade.

Why is grass so dangerous?
Because of all the blades.


Thank you, and good night!


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QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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hockeygod
post Jun 24 2004, 02:36 PM
Post #25


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Some of those are so corny that they are hilarious. Thank-you for the entertainment QH.


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Proud Member of the I.S.D.!!!


IPB Image hockeygod

I'm a Math Geek and it makes me happy!!!

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."~Aristotle

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."~Henry Van Dyke

"Life is wasted on the living."~Douglas Adams

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together."~Georg C. Lichtenberg
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QuickHare
post Jun 24 2004, 05:18 PM
Post #26


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Anytime, HG, anytime.


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QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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Drie
post Jun 24 2004, 09:37 PM
Post #27


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*Drie looks around for her coffee mug*

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Great pick-me-up! I needed that. wink.gif


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My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace


"I think happiness is finding a couple extra fries at the bottom of the bag." - Pig, Pearls Before Swine

Just once, I want to shout, "Bwahahhahahaha!" and really mean it.

"I couldn't decide if I wanted marble fudge, chocolate, rocky road, vanilla or butter pecan...I finally decided to try marble fudge...then I had to choose between a plain cone or a sugar cone...I decided on the sugar cone...so what happened? I went out the door, and dropped the whole thing on the sidewalk! Don't tell me my life isn't a Shakespearean tragedy!" ~ Sally, Charlie Brown's sister



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hockeygod
post Jun 24 2004, 09:56 PM
Post #28


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I really liked the ones with the elves.


________________________________________

~ B.M.
Proud Member of the I.S.D.!!!


IPB Image hockeygod

I'm a Math Geek and it makes me happy!!!

"Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit."~Aristotle

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."~Henry Van Dyke

"Life is wasted on the living."~Douglas Adams

"Everyone is a genius at least once a year. The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together."~Georg C. Lichtenberg
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QuickHare
post Jun 26 2004, 01:08 PM
Post #29


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QUOTE (Drie @ Jun 24 2004, 10:37 PM)
*Drie looks around for her coffee mug*

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Great pick-me-up! I needed that. wink.gif

You'll need more than a coffe mug, Drie!

May I suggest you move to France, change your name to Adrienne Reinard, find the nearest restaurant and ask for a "bol de chocolat", drink the lovely liquid inside, then get to work by grabbing the empty cup and laughing into it wildly. Giggling or howling is also acceptable, but as long as you get the work in by Tuesday.

Those who've travelled to France and had such a drink will know they serve it usually in the biggest mugs you'll see, hence the name "bol de chocolat", directly translated to "bowl of chocolate".


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QuickHare

"To err is human. To completely screw up requires a computer."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." [Lao-tzu]

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good."
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Drie
post Jun 28 2004, 06:06 PM
Post #30


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QUOTE (QuickHare @ Jun 26 2004, 05:08 AM)
QUOTE
May I suggest you move to France, change your name to Adrienne Reinard, find the nearest restaurant and ask for a "bol de chocolat", drink the lovely liquid inside, then get to work by grabbing the empty cup and laughing into it wildly. Giggling or howling is also acceptable, but as long as you get the work in by Tuesday.




Works for me! How 'bout if I refuse to come into work because I've completely gone off the deep end and am laughing uproariously at everyone and everything?

Humor the dangerous . . . 105.gif blink.gif


________________________________________

Proud Member of the Red Trio

My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace


"I think happiness is finding a couple extra fries at the bottom of the bag." - Pig, Pearls Before Swine

Just once, I want to shout, "Bwahahhahahaha!" and really mean it.

"I couldn't decide if I wanted marble fudge, chocolate, rocky road, vanilla or butter pecan...I finally decided to try marble fudge...then I had to choose between a plain cone or a sugar cone...I decided on the sugar cone...so what happened? I went out the door, and dropped the whole thing on the sidewalk! Don't tell me my life isn't a Shakespearean tragedy!" ~ Sally, Charlie Brown's sister



Pictures of You

Bunnies! Everywhere!
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