Did you hear..., Two liner jokes for fun, fun, fun! Options

[QuickHare]

I tend to make my jokes up. They're always more fun when they're spontanious and apt for the situation.


Did you hear the one about the depressed lemming? That one did go down well.

Did you hear the one about the innocent internet user? I don't blame you.

Did you hear the one about delayed service pack for Windows XP? Actually, no. That one is true.

[Jerry]

Did you hear about the striped plant?
He was spotted.

Did you hear about the man who owned a dog named yet?
He walked, yet ran.

[QuickHare]

Did you hear the one about the sunbathing joke book? It was black and white and red all over.

[Jerry]

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no"?
"No."
"Oh, so it's you!"

Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?
I better not tell you, it might spread.

[Drie]

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

[QuickHare]

Did you hear the one about the artful tune? The story's music to my ears.

[Jerry]

Heard this one this week...

Did you hear the one about the hungry computer?

It ate all its chips, one byte at a time.

[Yoda]

What's brown and sticky...?



... a stick

[QuickHare]

Did you hear that crashing noise that sounded like bins being knocked over by a weasil in such a way as to reverberate around the garden and street with an echo that is similar to a Slinky making it's way down a very noisy stair case during a meltdown, but quiet enough to avoid waking up the people asleep in their warm, cozy little beds behind the walls of their houses and their double-glazed windows, shut off from all noises such as this one going around outside?

Because I didn't.

[Billywig2]

Ahhh, now this is definatly my area of expertise! I have an unlimited amount of these here a few to start off.

Did you here the one about the rubbish truck? Never mind, it's a load of rubbish.

Have you heard about the new pirate movie that's coming out? It's rated ARRRRRRR!

Did you hear the one about the power failure at the Shopping Centre which stranded 17 blondes on an escalator for over four hours?

Why did the boy fall off his bike? someone threw a fridge at him.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

My imaginary friends think that you have serious mental problems.

What has four legs, is green, and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you? A pool table.

What does D.N.A. stand for? National Dyslexics Association.

Dyslexics of the world, Untie! (I think that one's been in my sig)

I used to have an open mind, but my brain kept falling out.

You should here the names that the voices in my head are calling you right now.

[QuickHare]

Those were good. I liked the blonde one the best.


Did you hear about the phoney bus driver? He took his passangers for a ride.

Did you hear about the Chatterbox North Pole Expedition? The talked about it until they were blue in the face.

Did you hear about the email fungus? After a few forwards, the story mushroomed.

Did you hear the one about the gobsmacked cricketer? He was bowled over.

What do you get if you fast-forward a cricket match? Entertainment.

Did you hear the one about an angry ice hockey player? He was pucked off.

Did you hear the one about the escaping bunny rab..........

[Billywig2]

I'll have to remember those cricket ones, the season begins soon down here.

Take-outs from my school student planner: I swear, if a teacher got a hold of this, I bet I'd have to buy a new one.

Good things come in small packages... and then they get squashed because the package is too small.

A day without sunshine is like... night.

Everyone keeps saying that the right person will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck.

Few Women Admit to their age, fewer men act theirs.

Good friends help you move house, great friends help you move bodies.

Your village called, their idiot is missing.

That's very funny Scotty, now beam up my clothes.

I've figured out that the factor that has the most to do with the outcome of a rain dance, is timing.

The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.

Earths full, go home.

You look like beep, is that the fashion now?

Out of my mind, be back in five minutes.

If Barbie is so popular, how come you have to buy her friends?

If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

If nothing sticks to teflon, how do they stick it to the pan?

I used to be indesicive(sp?) but now I'm not so sure.

Do you ever stop to think, and then forget to strart again?

57.3% of facts are made up on the spot.

I tried being normal once, I didn't like it.

Everybody starts out with a full bag of luck, and an empty bag of experiances. The trick in life is to fill the experiances before the luck runs out.

Eagles may fly, but weasles don't get sucked into jet engins... although that's more of an 'in' joke.

And my very personal favorite...

(drumroll, please)

Semper ubi sub ubi

Translation?

"Always wear under wear" XD

[Cristin]

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.