Printable Version of Topic

Click here to view this topic in its original format

Harry and Ginny _ Procrastination Station _ Limericks

Posted by: Jerry Jul 21 2004, 09:01 PM

Since I didn't see this topic anywhere, I thought I'd start it. Limericks are short, usually humorous poems that generally have the form of 'AABBA' rhyme scheme with every third syllable accented, where 'A' is a rhyming word to the other 'A's and 'B' is a rhyming word to the next 'B'.

Here is an example (a science-based one):

On a merry-go-round in the night,
Coriolis was shaken with fright.
Despite how he walked,
'Twas like he was stalked,
By some fiend always pushing him right.

This one happens to be a play-on words:

A tutor who taught on the flute
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"

See what you could come up with

Again, if this topic exists somewhere else, just ignore mine.

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 22 2004, 11:52 AM

One created off the top of my head:

There once lived three blind mice,
Who lived only on basic rice.
Since they were blind,
They didn't mind
To instead be eating dead lice.

Posted by: hockeygod Jul 22 2004, 01:45 PM

That is so gross QH.

Posted by: Jerry Jul 22 2004, 02:27 PM

There was once a man from Perdue
whose limericks ended on line 2
There was once a man from Perdun

Posted by: Willow Jul 22 2004, 04:33 PM

Have you noticed loads start with...There once....

One made up just....now.

There once was a Rabbit called bobby,
who lived in a hotel lobby,
He ate all day,
And could still pay,
And as a result his friends called him Snobby.]

Lmao...is that even right?

Posted by: Drie Jul 22 2004, 04:44 PM

lol, these are great!

There once was a rose from Seattle
Whose goal in life was to raise cattle
"How absurd!"
Cried every bird.
So the rose waged an excellent battle.

Okay, that was odd.

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 22 2004, 06:10 PM

There once was a girl in California,
Who had a rather large beer.
She tried very hard
But her vision was marred
And when walking she started to veer.

Posted by: Jerry Jul 22 2004, 09:50 PM

Very good, Quickhare!

A Flea and a fly in a flue
Were trapped so what could they do
Said the fly "let us flee"
Said the Flea "let us fly"
And they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 25 2004, 01:39 PM

There was a young guy from Devon,
Who was very good at creating a pun.
But his jokes ran dry
So harder he'd try,
And now he's seen as fun.

Posted by: Jerry Jul 25 2004, 04:10 PM

A mosquito was heard to complain,
'A chemist has poisoned my brain!'
The cause of his sorrow
was paradichloro-
triphenyldichloroethane.

Posted by: Drie Jul 26 2004, 05:45 PM

Green tea will always make me smile,
Yet feel like walking for a mile.
It's aroma is pleasant
To any pesant
To forget about life for awhile.

Posted by: Jerry Jul 26 2004, 05:48 PM

That was a nice one, Drie

There once was a woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 29 2004, 10:44 PM

Watch out for the autumn plonkers
Who insist in playing with conkers.
They'll split yours in half,
Which will cause them to laugh,
And their wailing will drive you all bonkers.

Posted by: Jerry Jul 29 2004, 10:56 PM

Maxwell had plenty of time to think
While dipping his pen in the ink.
Today's computations
With Maxwell's equations
Don't leave you the time for a wink.

Posted by: Drie Jul 30 2004, 03:30 PM

There once was a trio of red
"We'll scare all the men!" They said.
All but QuickHare
Was aware of the scare
So they sent him warm fuzzies instead.

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 30 2004, 04:22 PM

There was a bloke called QuickHare
Who wasn't very easy to scare.
When faced with the Red,
"I'm not afraid," he had said,
Now he gets a great deal of care!

Posted by: Drie Jul 30 2004, 04:27 PM

QUOTE (QuickHare @ Jul 30 2004, 09:22 AM)
There was a bloke called QuickHare
Who wasn't very easy to scare.
When faced with the Red,
"I'm not afraid," he had said,
Now he gets a great deal of care!

Beware -- we'll attack you with the warm fuzzies if you're not careful!

Posted by: QuickHare Jul 30 2004, 04:38 PM

QUOTE (Nice Drie)

Beware -- we'll attack you with the warm fuzzies if you're not careful!

How does one attack with warm fuzzies? I thought the whole point of them was that they made you feel nice - unless you plan on making me smile so much I go into hospital. However, to do that requires something one cannot write about on a board viewed by young'uns.

Posted by: hershey Jul 31 2004, 05:01 AM

There once was a fellow named Quickhare
Whose avatar look very much like Cher!
But with some strokes on the keyboard
His new looks leaves us floored
For he looks like Ducky, oh Lord!

Posted by: Drie Aug 2 2004, 03:18 PM

QUOTE (hershey @ Jul 30 2004, 10:01 PM)
There once was a fellow named Quickhare
Whose avatar look very much like Cher!
But with some strokes on the keyboard
His new looks leaves us floored
For he looks like Ducky, oh Lord!

*gasp!*

Duckie lives!

Posted by: QuickHare Aug 2 2004, 03:38 PM

Drie: "To Kill a Mocking Duck" is be renamed to "To Kill a Mocking Duckie"

Posted by: Drie Aug 3 2004, 08:27 PM

Ah! Sleep is what I desire,
To my bed tonight I'll retire.
But I must work (and play!)
All through the day
So my boss won't need a new hire!

Posted by: QuickHare Aug 4 2004, 02:21 PM

There was a small light-hearted halfling,
Who just couldn't stop himself laughing.
Once he awoke,
And thought as a joke,
He'd became the basis of Lord of the Rings.

Posted by: Drie Aug 12 2004, 04:02 PM

There once was a lad named Steve
Who after drinking would heave
His weakness was beer
A toilet should be near
To the porcelain god he would cleave

Sorry, that was a bit gross

Posted by: QuickHare Aug 12 2004, 04:16 PM

Is it me or do these limericks have a pub atmosphere to them?

Posted by: Jerry Aug 12 2004, 06:52 PM

Yeah, they do . I'll try to add to the aforementioned theme:

A broadly-built teen, a punk
Was handcuffed for being quite drunk
Said he, in dismay
As they took him away
"Don't treat me like old, worthless junk!"

Posted by: QuickHare Aug 12 2004, 07:07 PM

There was a young man in a dash
To see a doctor because of a rash.
The instruments were cold,
And the man wasn't bold.
So the man was in and out in a flash.

Posted by: Jerry Aug 19 2004, 10:53 PM

When I'm rollerbladin' out in the sun,
I can assure you it's not always fun.
As the faster I move,
It is easy to prove
That perspiration, like rivers, can run.

Posted by: QuickHare Aug 20 2004, 09:05 PM

There was a young guy in Britain,
Who's excitement started to wane.
To the US he strayed,
With a friend he did stay,
And now he has everything to gain.

Posted by: Jerry Aug 22 2004, 03:00 AM

While seated alone in my room
I was disturbed by a loud sonic boom
Getting up from my seat
And running out to the street
I saw a fast flying witch on a broom!

Posted by: Drie Apr 27 2005, 09:38 PM

There once was a girl called Daisy
Who was always thought to be lazy
She proved them all wrong
When she worked hard and long
'Till old memories of her were all hazy

Posted by: Jerry Apr 27 2005, 11:27 PM

QUOTE (Drie @ Apr 27 2005, 05:38 PM)
There once was a girl called Daisy
Who was always thought to be lazy
She proved them all wrong
When she worked hard and long
'Till old memories of her were all hazy

There once was a solid brick wall
through which nothing could pass through or fall
One day it collapsed
(For its time has elapsed)
and ceased to hold up the wondrous mall

Yes, not much sense, but that's what I came up with.

Posted by: Cristin Apr 28 2005, 04:39 AM

"Oh, when will I go back to sleep?"
muttered a grumpy old sheep,
as he lay unaware
in a lion's dark lair
of the creature not making a peep.

Posted by: Billywig2 Apr 28 2005, 08:45 AM

There once was a girl from freestone
Who wanted a brand new cell phone
Said her dad, "Not a chance!"
As he ironed his pants
And ate a small ice-cream cone

Posted by: Drie Apr 28 2005, 06:01 PM

Dreaming is very relaxing
After work that is found very taxing
Don't ask me why
That a snore and a sigh
Is all this poor worker is asking

Posted by: Jerry Apr 28 2005, 11:59 PM

Going on the theme of work...

There's a couple of dangling participles in the second line, but otherwise I think it's okay.

There once was a hardworking sheep
who never the floor would it sweep
Said the mop to the pail
"That one's going to jail"
And indeed, all he does now is weep.

A bit weird...

Posted by: Cristin May 14 2005, 05:06 AM

Weird indeed...

"Hello!" said the all-knowing flower
who stuck its head up for sun power
And then with a kiss
It surely would miss
The water it got with a spring shower.

What can I say...It's Friday! Used too much of my brain this week...

Posted by: QuickHare May 14 2005, 07:44 PM

There once lived a cute little dove,
Who had escaped from a place called Above.
It saw Vic Reeves,
And started to flee,
Then saw a pigeon and then feel in love.

(Anyone see the connection between doves, and Vic Reeves?)

Posted by: Yoda May 17 2005, 07:13 PM

Watch out! It's Shooting Stars!
Look out! Wherever you are!

(in answer to QH's question)

Posted by: Drie May 24 2005, 04:44 PM

To gaze at the sky in wonder
As a storm creates rage and thunder
May bring you a chill
Or a wonderful thrill
While tearing the sky all asunder

Posted by: Jerry Jul 8 2005, 09:40 AM

There once was a lad from Brooklyn
Who, at midnight, decided to turn in, but,
At dawn, birds were chirping
His sleep they were usurping
So he woke and let his day begin